Love Yourself Before & After

January 9, 2016

I'm not proud of this story but I'm going to share it anyway... Last November I had an ah-ha moment. At the time I was finishing up P90X3; I was completely ripped, like woah ripped. I have NEVER in my life looked like I did then. As I was working out with my sports bra and spandex and as I turned to look in the mirror I said out loud, "Ew, I'm fat." I just said it. It just came out. Those disgusting words just rolled so naturally off the tip of my tongue. As soon as they did, it just hit me. It doesn't matter what I look like, it doesn't matter how lean or ripped I am. None of that matters until I can love my body for everything it is and isn't. I am not fat, but I have looked in the mirror my entire life and I've told myself that I am. I've picked myself apart for the past 15 years, starting in 7th grade. That doesn't just stop when you hit your "goal weight". It doesn't stop when you wear a size 2. It doesn't stop until you decide to look in the mirror and love yourself, and embrace your body at whatever size it is.On that day, I disgusted myself with my own words. I realized I needed to change my mind and how I spoke to myself every day. And so the real work began... I made a promise to myself that I would not talk negative about my body anymore. It's so hard, it's still hard. I've had to re-train my brain the past year. I will think a negative thought and I'll quickly work to combat it with a positive thought. It really is like there is a good angel and a bad devil on my shoulder. Yes, I know I sound crazy to most of you, but if I don't mentally practice loving myself and my body every day, I risk the chance of back tracking to that girl I was in November.As I've worked with more and more women, and as I've seen women transform their bodies, I've realized that self love doesn't magically appear when people lose weight. Some people lose 30+ lbs but still aren't happy, they still don't love themselves. Self love: we have to practice and work for until it becomes something that we can do naturally. It's HARD. It doesn't matter if you are 100lbs or 300lbs, I hope you look in the mirror and start loving your body now.

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